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Jan. 12th, 2014

I know that little to no one will read this, but I need to get it out.

My granddad died last February, and since then, I've held a growing amount of contempt and bitterness for my entire family. He was my mum's dad, and an amazing, funny man, but since he died, all our family has focused on is how she's feeling. I spent almost every day with him, too; I loved him more than words, too. So why does no one give a fuck that I'm grieving, too? That I miss him more than anything, and I'm sitting here in tears just thinking about him? Even my own dad only cares about how she's doing. Shouldn't he have asked me, even once in the last 11 months, if I'm ok? How I'm feeling? I know it was her dad, but he was my granddad, I loved him so much, and after almost a year, it still hurts so fucking much, but I'm starting to wonder, how much of that hurt was caused by my family? How much of it is because I have no one to talk to about it, no one who gives a shit about how I'm feeling? And my family wonder why I'm depressed. Maybe it's because everything always has to be about my mother, no matter how much I might be hurting.